“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
A.A. Milne
“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”
Alfred Tennyson
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| Anne Lowery at the Karman Korner Resale Shop |
When I was young I first learned about artistic expression from my
mother and her friends. But I also
learned so much more about love and the bonds of life-long friendships between
women. My mother, Anne Lowery, and
two of her closest friends, Betty Mize and Judy Karman would gather weekly to make
beautiful and unique Batik prints in our garage and would sometimes have
collective shows in our community.
The pungent smell of hot melting wax and acrid dyes of many hues wafting
through the house was my signal to come and learn from these creative
women. Judy and her husband Tom
have three children and I came to love them like my own family and spent much
time at their home as a frequent babysitter as well as at family gatherings and
holidays. I sometimes thought of Judy as a second
mother but never had the opportunity to tell her so. She died of breast cancer
in 1979 at the age of 39 leaving her family and her friends to grieve. I will never forget that Easter afternoon
when I heard the news. Something shifted and my sense of solidity and safety
were altered.
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| Judy Karman |
Judy’s dream was to create a non-profit hospice that would serve all
comers, even if they didn’t have insurance coverage or the ability to pay. She
had worked hard to receive a master’s degree in Hospital Administration before
her death so that she could bring this dream into fruition. “Her goal was to
help patients and their families who were facing critical medical
situations. She worked for a time
at Stillwater Medical Center as a patient representative connecting people with
resources and support outside of the medical staff.” After her death her family and others in the community came
together to create the Judith Karman Hospice in Stillwater, Oklahoma where we
all lived.
“She was very much into hugs, holding hands and knowing them
as people,” her husband, Tom Karman, has been quoted as saying. “Her first
concern was that people were treated in a way that would be helpful to them. ” Today,
more than 32 years later, the Judith Karman Hospice stands as a testament not
only of her loved ones’ regard for her, but also of her love for her community. “Since 1979, JKH, the state’s oldest
hospice, has served literally thousands of families in the Stillwater area,
providing top-quality medical care through the end of life and bereavement
services beyond. Under the direction of inaugural executive director, Linda
Wells, JKH was the first hospice to be licensed in the state and the first to
be Medicare certified.” [From the
Judith Karman website: see link below]
Over time Karman Korner Resale Shop (KKR), was
formed to support the hospice financially and this is where Anne and many of
her friends come in. The KKR is a bustling place filled with shoppers looking
for that screaming good bargain as well as volunteers doing their best to keep
the store’s shelves supplied with clothing, house wares, furniture,
decorations, books and shoes all in good, clean, condition. Anne has been
working at the KKR two days a week for over eleven years and her regular duties
include working as a cashier, repairing and cleaning shoes and the sorting and
cleaning of jewelry at her home. I have watched her dedication to this project
with pride through the years. This
isn’t just any volunteer gig; she does it for love of Judy and never forgets
that for a single shift. I
have noted that she plans her other activities and trips around her shifts and
she doesn’t like to stay away from very long. When I asked Anne what her favorite
task at the KKR was she replied “I
don’t like cleaning dirty old shoes but I’m so good at it no one will take my
job. I’ve tried to give it away
but no one does as good a job.”
After spending time at the store I think that mom loves chatting up the customers
who pass by her check out stand.
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| The Shoe Refurbishing Area |
When I was at the KKR November 2013, the
place was hopping with people picking up Christmas decorations, holiday
clothing, and even an artificial Christmas tree. I watched in awe
as my mother remembered the names and family details of many of her customers,
never missing a beat as she conversed with every person in turn while moving
through huge mounds of goods. I
served as her sacker as she kept the cash register humming and the pace was
intense. There is a place for every person at the KKR, both patrons and
volunteers alike.
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| Anne Lowery, cashiering at the KKR |
“I think we’re going to have a 1400.00
day” Anne said when we were talking during our shift on a cold Wednesday
afternoon. “I’m good at guesstimating” it’s notable that this total was
comprised mostly of .25 purchases. Before the store moved to it’s current
location on Main Street in downtown Stillwater, the daily take would be around
300.00 per day, over time it grew to 500.00 per day. “Now we want to make it to 1000.00. Because I have so many good customers
that come every week we make it!” Anne said. I asked an elderly woman we were ringing
up if she came every week and she said she did with a big grin. I wonder if coming to shop is a form of
socializing for some? It appeared
that many customers looked to my mother and the other volunteers as friends and
kindred spirits on their journey.
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| Anne Lowery and Tyler Fields, a family friend, at the cashier booth. |
The Judith Karman Hospice is supported in large part by
the KKR. Anne feels that they couldn’t do the important work of providing the
only local non-profit hospice care to all comers without the energy and
dedication of the KKR volunteers who come every single day the store is
open. There are other
hospice groups in Stillwater, but the Judith Karman Hospice is the only one
that never charges patients at all. All Hospice services are provided in the patient’s home and while some
have insurance that covers these services many do not.
It appears to me that the KKR is a service
of it’s own. And indeed Anne
stated that there is a place for every person at the KKR, both patrons and
volunteers alike. People who shop at the KKR come from every walk of life from the poorest of
poor to the wealthy shopping for inexpensive name brand clothing. The KKR also honors agency vouchers for
people seeking clothing and house wares and helps in times of disaster and emergencies.
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| Back room filled to bursting with goods ready to go out on the floor. |
Volunteers include Oklahoma State University
College students, mandatory sentencing volunteers and anyone interested in
serving this important organization.
Some volunteers drop in once a while, some come once a week, but very
few come and do the heavy work. We
talked about the importance of volunteers treating their shifts as if it was a
job, and these volunteers give the organization stability. There are also a few paid employees
and a board that overseas both the Hospice and the store. The store pays it’s own bills with
everything else going directly to patient care at the hospice.
I asked my mom if she believed the hospice has
lived up to Judy’s dream. She
thought it had and said that allowing people to die at home with skilled care
was Judy’s ongoing gift to the Stillwater community. She meets many people during her weekly shifts at the KKR and many of them recount stories of how they and their loved ones were helped by
Hospice and then they make their own donations to the jug by the cash register.
Anne’s parting words were, “I do it for
Judy. She was one of my best
friends.” There have been
challenges along the way for my mother and for the others who are dedicated to
Judy’s vision. However, they continue on with their selling, organizing, promoting and
caring about each person who enters the KKR, knowing that their work matters,
it is important, that providing the means for a peaceful parting at the sacred
time of death is the biggest gift one could give to all in their community who
have need.
For more information about the Judith Karman Hospice, how to give money, how to donate to the resale shop, how to volunteer or how to sign up for services:
In memory of Judy Karman 1940-1979 and with gratitude to my mother Anne Lowery.
Namaste,
Felicia
